diary, life, personal

Being Solitary Does Not Mean Loneliness

This holiday has made me seem like an antisocial person. Perhaps I am hating every single moment of my life right now because I have not gone out on a single outing with friends (excluding that class outing in late November) but right now, I am revelling in the silence and reflecting moments of my life.

I scroll through my Facebook/Instagram feed pretty frequently, if you ask me. Sure, I can’t deny that I feel a pang of jealousy looking at all the amazing photos of my friends in all the places possible on Earth – Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, New York City, KL, Seoul… I’m sure people felt the same way when they look at my photos of Norway. But as time passes by, I don’t feel jealous anymore. Not even those normal outings that my friends have to the malls in Singapore. Sure, I could have gone with them – and spend my non-existent allowance, putting me at a deficit – and have tons of fun by (window) shopping, watching movies or chilling at the beach/park/mall.

But I don’t want to.

I know it’s unhealthy being at home – almost – 24/7 but I could easily get out and go to the park just downstairs… Or even head to Chinese/Japanese Garden which is a 2km walk away. I don’t really see the need to meet my friends at all. Of course, this is coming from a person whose friends are mostly in their home countries such as Burma, India and Malaysia. Plus, many of my friends are working right now, so it seems a little… inappropriate to ask them out when they are so tired from work. (Which reminds me, I am still on the prowl for a job to last me till August 2015/university starts)

In no way am I feeling lonely right now… Most of the times, I would probably head to youtube.com and listen to music, dance to the beats and probably pick up a new skill/learn a new song on my ukulele. I just feel good alone. Sometimes, I really immerse myself in this period of solitary for myself because there are no expectations for me to fulfil – how much do I laugh, speak, be enthusiastic… Being an extroverted introvert does take a toll on me, especially when I have pre-scheduled moments of extroversion and introversion.

While being alone most of the time does make me embrace my introvert self more and exclude the extroverted side, at least being alone at home does gives me moments of extroversion… Like disturbing my family members. Also, I’ve been talking to Atherz on Skype at weird hours (because of my insomnia and college essay apps) so it doesn’t mean that life has been making me so lonely.

DSC_0698
Taken in Norway. December 2014 at Tromso Fjellheisen.

In fact, life has been so kind to me to allow this period of self-realization. I get to daydream more, be a little more creative in what I want to do (I even applied for a job as a florist!) and just be myself without others forcing me.

I just want to end this post (rather abruptly): Being alone doesn’t mean that one is lonely. It’s how one sees that matters.

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