It felt like it was yesterday since I went for that discretionary interview in NUS for the Faculty of Science. So much has changed, ever since I chose this path as a Sociologist-in-training in NTU.
Thinking about how I have changed over the two short years, I definitely feel that I am much calmer and controlled with my emotions. Also, I used to be much more energetic and ambitious with volunteering. Now, I am much more picky about where, when and how I invest my time.
I feel that university has also taken a toll on my sanity with respect to studies. Even though it is not as strict as junior college, I feel that not following the flow of the student body makes me stick out too much and causes me suffering.
My social circle has become much more smaller, even though I have met many more people in school. With my own motorbike, I became much more isolated from the crowds at school and definitely have become more shy. My brain instantly creates escape routes out of school detailing the times where I am able to meet the least amount of people on my way out. With the extra time, I dabbled more often in baking, cooking and travelling this year, definitely. I can also count the number of times I had lunch in school. Around 7?
How sad, isn’t it?
I wished I was braver to meet other people in school. It really is tough battling alone, because I do not take the same modules as my friends most of the time. With my poor social skills (especially verbal communication), I’m dumbing myself to the very corners of my suffocating room at home.
Sophomore year has been really harsh to me, despite all my achievements that others are envious of. I feel more lacking and alone than ever.
While my grades are significantly better this semester, I feel inadequate to face the next steps of university. I’m not sure what I am going to dabble myself in during my junior year. I wish I had more courage, and become much kinder and friendlier. I wish I had more faith in myself.
Goodbye sophomore year. You’ve been… great. I guess.