Here is me, trying to convey my rather… weird ideas. I simply have a hard time trying to write things into words. Not very good with them, actually. But I want to try. And I hope you’ll listen.
Right now, I am 21. Come 2018, I will be awaiting my 22nd year of being on this Earth. I am a Malay Muslim girl, living in Singapore and currently (and struggling) to finish my final university years. There are many others like me, and I cannot fathom a life without… studying.
Many of my friends are either engaged/married right now, and I haven’t had a clue as to how I’ll look like happily married or even engaged. (can I say lmao here is it appropriate?)
Here’s me trying to concoct this idea, or theory or what love is. I don’t know how people just manage to find their significant other, clarifying “That’s it I’m marrying this guy/girl and we gonna build a home with a few kids and a cat/dog” and that’s gonna be until you die. Of course, there’s the unfortunate part of divorce but I am not talking about that. I’m just talking about how we humans can just… justify that HEY I’M GONNA SETTLE DOWN. It’s a little scary, don’t you think?
Being a person who is scared of revealing emotions to anyone, even just by a percent… the theory of being naked emotionally, physically and mentally to that significant other is a GREAT BIG STEP that scares me to no end. How can someone just bare it all?
I think this is why God’s love is so unimaginable. Human’s love is daunting to me, what more His love? WHAT IS LOVE?
That is why I always stare in awe at married couples, whatever their ages are, whatever their age gaps are, whatever their skin colours are. I just… cannot fathom that vulnerability I have to endure if I were to be in a relationship. Nevermind being married.
Of course, I do pray that I will be married someday, but thinking about it DOES scare me. Why do I keep emphasizing it? It just does, okay.
That theory of love is so… wow. I’m just not good with words.